When Did You Stop Living? The Brutal Truth About Modern Existence (And How to Break Free)
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By The Apex Human
I need to ask you something uncomfortable.
Something you've probably been avoiding thinking about.
When did you stop actually living?
Not existing. Not surviving. Not going through the motions on autopilot.
But actually living — waking up with purpose, pursuing something meaningful, feeling genuinely alive.
If you can't remember the last time you felt that way, this article might be the most important thing you read this year.
Because what I'm about to show you will either devastate you or liberate you. Possibly both.
The Soul-Crushing Mathematics of Your Life
Let me show you something that most people spend their entire lives avoiding.
Here's how the average human life breaks down:
The Time Allocation Reality
Sleep: 26-30 years (36% of your life)
- Assuming 7-8 hours per night
- That's roughly a third of your entire existence unconscious
- Necessary? Yes. But gone nonetheless.
Work: 13-15 years working full-time (33% of your waking life)
- Based on 40-hour work weeks from age 22-65
- Doesn't include overtime, which many of us do
- Doesn't include thinking about work, stressing about work, preparing for work
Commuting: 2-3 years (4-6% of waking life)
- Average American commutes 1 hour daily
- That's 260 hours per year stuck in traffic or on public transit
- Multiply that by 43 years of working life
Basic Survival Tasks: 4-6 years (8-10% of waking life)
- Eating, showering, grooming, household chores
- The mundane maintenance of being human
Do the math:
Sleep + Work + Commute + Survival = 45-54 years of your life
Out of an average 79-year lifespan.
That leaves you with roughly 25-34 years of "free time" across your entire existence.
But wait. It gets worse.
The Hidden Thieves
That "free time" isn't actually free. It includes:
- Childhood and adolescence (18 years) - when you had little autonomy
- Old age and decline - when physical limitations restrict what you can do
- Sick days, recovery time, medical appointments
- Time spent exhausted from work, unable to do anything meaningful
The brutal reality?
You probably have 15-20 years MAX of actual, functional, free time to pursue what YOU want in your entire life.
That's it. That's all you get.
And what are you doing with it?
The Modern Existence Crisis
Here's what that precious free time looks like for most people:
Friday night: Collapse on the couch. Too exhausted to do anything. Scroll phone. Order takeout. Binge Netflix.
Saturday: Sleep in to "catch up." Run errands. Maybe see friends. Feel guilty about not being productive.
Sunday: Dread Monday. Mild anxiety setting in. Prepare for the work week. Try to enjoy yourself but can't fully relax.
Repeat for 40 years.
Then you retire. And realize you're too tired, too old, or too sick to do the things you always said you'd do "someday."
If that doesn't terrify you, you're not paying attention.
This Isn't What We Were Designed For
Let me be very clear about something:
Human beings were not designed to work, sleep, repeat until death.
Our ancestors didn't evolve for this. Our biology isn't wired for this. Our psychology rebels against this.
What Humans Were Actually Designed For
Exploration: We're wired to discover, to venture into the unknown, to push boundaries. Our ancestors crossed continents on foot, sailed across oceans, climbed mountains for no reason except to see what was there.
Creation: We build. We make. We craft. We create art, music, structures, ideas. The pyramids. The Sistine Chapel. The moon landing. We're builders by nature.
Growth: We're designed to evolve, to improve, to become more than we were. Stagnation makes us miserable. Progress makes us alive.
Community: We bond. We connect. We build tribes and families and movements. Isolation destroys us. Meaningful relationships sustain us.
Purpose: We need to believe our lives matter. That we're contributing to something bigger. That our existence has meaning.
Modern life gives us none of this.
Instead, it gives us:
- Cubicles instead of exploration
- Spreadsheets instead of creation
- Stagnation instead of growth
- Social media instead of community
- Paychecks instead of purpose
And we wonder why depression, anxiety, and suicide rates are at all-time highs.
The Question Nobody Wants to Answer
What are you working for?
Not "what do you do for work." I'm asking: What is the PURPOSE of all this effort?
Is there a goal that fires you up when you think about it?
A vision that pulls you out of bed in the morning?
A mission that makes the daily grind feel worth it?
Or are you just... existing?
Participating in someone else's dream while yours slowly dies of neglect?
Here's the test:
If you won the lottery tomorrow and never had to work again, what would you do with your life?
If your answer is "I don't know" or "Finally relax"...
You don't have a purpose problem. You have a life problem.
Because relaxation is only satisfying when you've been working toward something meaningful.
Rest without purpose is just emptiness with better lighting.
The Psychology of Purposeless Living
Let me explain what's happening in your brain when you live without purpose.
The Dopamine Deficit
Your brain's reward system — primarily driven by dopamine — is designed to motivate you toward meaningful goals.
Here's how it's supposed to work:
- You set a meaningful goal
- Your brain releases dopamine when you make progress
- This motivates continued effort
- Achievement creates satisfaction and meaning
Here's what actually happens in purposeless living:
- You have no meaningful goals
- Your brain gets dopamine from cheap sources (social media, junk food, shopping)
- These sources provide hits but no lasting satisfaction
- You need more and more stimulation to feel anything
- You become numb, depressed, and unmotivated
You're not broken. You're just starving your brain of what it actually needs: meaningful progress toward goals that matter.
The Meaning Crisis
Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, spent his life studying human meaning.
His conclusion: "Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how.'"
He watched people in concentration camps — the worst conditions imaginable. Those who survived weren't the strongest or healthiest. They were those who had something to live FOR.
A mission to complete. A person to return to. A story to tell. A purpose to fulfill.
Meaning isn't a luxury. It's a survival mechanism.
Without it, even comfortable lives feel unbearable.
With it, even difficult lives feel worthwhile.
How to Take Your Life Back: The Complete Framework
Enough diagnosis. Let's talk about the cure.
If you're tired of just existing, here's how to start actually living:
Step 1: Confront the Reality
Action: Grab a piece of paper. Write down how you spent your time last week.
Be honest. Include:
- Hours sleeping
- Hours working
- Hours commuting
- Hours on phone/social media
- Hours watching TV
- Hours doing things that actually mattered to you
Now calculate what percentage of your waking life you actually spent on things that align with who you want to become.
For most people, it's less than 10%.
That number should terrify you into action.
Step 2: Define What "Living" Means to You
Most people don't know what they actually want. They know what they DON'T want (their current situation) but have no vision for what they're moving toward.
Answer these questions honestly:
If money wasn't an issue, what would you do with your life?
- Not "relax forever" — you'd get bored in 3 months
- What would you BUILD? CREATE? CONTRIBUTE?
What makes you feel most alive?
- When do you lose track of time?
- What activities make you feel energized rather than drained?
What do you want to be known for?
- When you're 80, what do you want to have accomplished?
- What legacy do you want to leave?
What would you regret NOT doing?
- This is the most important question
- Your regrets reveal your buried dreams
Write these answers down. In detail. Make them specific.
Step 3: Set Goals That Actually Matter
Not "goals" in the corporate productivity sense.
I mean real, soul-level goals that make you feel something when you think about them.
The Three Categories of Meaningful Goals:
1. Creation Goals — What will you build?
- Start a business
- Write a book
- Build a house with your hands
- Create art that moves people
- Launch a podcast or YouTube channel
- Develop a skill to mastery level
2. Experience Goals — What will you do?
- Travel to places that call to you
- Run a marathon (or walk one)
- Learn to speak another language fluently
- Dive the Great Barrier Reef
- Hike the Appalachian Trail
- Take your kids on adventures they'll remember forever
3. Transformation Goals — Who will you become?
- Transform your body and health
- Develop mental and emotional resilience
- Become the person your younger self needed
- Build deep, meaningful relationships
- Achieve financial freedom
- Master your craft at the highest level
Pick ONE goal from each category. Three total. That's your starting point.
Step 4: Audit Your Time Like Your Life Depends On It
Because it does.
Time is the only resource you can never get back.
You can make more money. You can rebuild health. You can repair relationships.
But you cannot reclaim lost time.
The Time Audit Process:
Week 1: Track everything
- Use a time-tracking app or simple notebook
- Record EVERY activity for one full week
- Be brutally honest
Week 2: Categorize
- Sort activities into: Essential (sleep, work, survival), Wasted (scrolling, binging, numbing), Invested (toward your goals)
Week 3: Eliminate and Optimize
- Cut one hour of "Wasted" time daily
- Redirect it toward your goals
- Protect this time like your life depends on it (because it does)
One hour per day = 365 hours per year = 45 full days of focused effort on what matters most to you
That's how you build a different life. One hour at a time.
Step 5: Build the Foundation — Optimize Your Biology
Here's what nobody tells you about pursuing big goals:
You can't build an extraordinary life in a broken body.
You can't chase dreams when you're exhausted by noon.
You can't think strategically when your brain is in fog.
You can't execute consistently when your energy crashes daily.
Your physical and mental state IS the foundation everything else is built on.
The Non-Negotiables:
1. Sleep Optimization
- 7-9 hours of quality sleep (not just time in bed)
- Consistent schedule (even weekends)
- Dark, cool room
- No screens 1 hour before bed
Poor sleep destroys:
- Cognitive function (focus, memory, decision-making)
- Emotional regulation (stress, anxiety, mood)
- Physical recovery (healing, muscle growth, immune function)
- Willpower and discipline
You cannot cheat this. Fix your sleep or accept mediocrity.
2. Nutrition That Fuels Performance
- Protein with every meal (stable blood sugar = stable energy)
- Whole foods over processed (your brain runs on nutrients, not chemicals)
- Hydration (even mild dehydration tanks cognitive function)
Your body is the vehicle carrying you through life. Fuel it accordingly.
3. Movement as Medicine
- 30 minutes minimum daily
- Doesn't have to be "working out" — walking, hiking, sports, anything
- Exercise is the single strongest tool for:
- Dopamine regulation
- Stress management
- Cognitive enhancement
- Emotional resilience
Sitting is the new smoking. Move or decay.
4. Mental Clarity Tools
- Your brain needs support to function at peak levels
- Proper nutrition, sleep, and supplements that actually work
- L-Tyrosine for dopamine production
- Lion's Mane for cognitive enhancement
- Adaptogens for stress resilience
- Creatine for mental energy
This isn't "biohacking." This is giving your biology what it needs to perform.
Step 6: Turn Negatives Into Fuel
Life will throw obstacles at you. Guaranteed.
Shitty job. Financial stress. Health setbacks. Toxic relationships. Bad luck.
You have two choices:
Option 1: Let circumstances define you. Make excuses. Accept defeat. Stay stuck.
Option 2: Use every obstacle as rocket fuel. Convert pain into power. Let adversity forge you into someone unstoppable.
The Obstacle-to-Fuel Formula:
Hate your job?
- → Use that hatred as motivation to build an escape plan
- → Every day you're there, work on your exit strategy
- → Let the pain drive you toward freedom
Broke and struggling financially?
- → Channel that desperation into learning valuable skills
- → Start a side hustle with whatever you have
- → Every dollar you earn is proof you're climbing out
Health falling apart?
- → Let it be your wake-up call, not your death sentence
- → Small daily improvements compound into transformation
- → Every workout, every healthy meal is a middle finger to decline
Stuck in circumstances beyond your control?
- → Control what you CAN: your health, your mindset, your daily habits
- → Viktor Frankl survived concentration camps by choosing his attitude
- → You can survive your situation by choosing yours
The difference between victims and victors isn't circumstances. It's response.
Step 7: Protect Your Time Like It's Sacred
Because it is.
Your time is the only truly non-renewable resource you possess.
Every hour wasted is gone forever. Every day spent on autopilot is a day you'll never get back.
Time Protection Strategies:
1. The "Hell Yes or No" Rule
- If an opportunity, invitation, or request isn't a "HELL YES," it's a no
- Stop saying yes to things that drain you to avoid disappointing people
- Your goals matter more than others' expectations
2. The Time Block Method
- Schedule your goal-pursuit time like non-negotiable appointments
- Treat them as seriously as work meetings (more seriously, actually)
- Defend these blocks ruthlessly
3. The Digital Detox Protocol
- Phone on Do Not Disturb during focus time
- Delete time-wasting apps (you know which ones)
- Social media ONLY after you've made progress on your goals
4. The Energy Audit
- Track which activities give you energy vs. drain you
- Minimize drainers, maximize energizers
- Spend time with people who inspire you, not deplete you
Step 8: Build Momentum Through Small Wins
Big goals are overwhelming. Small wins are achievable.
The Compound Effect:
Day 1: Take one small action toward your goal Week 1: Build evidence you're someone who follows through
Month 1: Develop momentum that becomes easier to maintain
Month 3: Look back and barely recognize who you were 90 days ago
Year 1: Your life is fundamentally different
Examples of Small Wins:
Goal: Write a book
- Small win: Write 300 words today (15 minutes)
- Compound: 300 words × 365 days = 109,500 words (a full book)
Goal: Transform your body
- Small win: 20-minute workout today
- Compound: 20 min × 365 days = 7,300 minutes of training
Goal: Launch a business
- Small win: Spend 1 hour today on your side project
- Compound: 1 hour × 365 days = 365 hours of business building
You don't need massive action. You need consistent action.
The Life Reclamation Timeline
Here's what happens when you actually commit to taking your life back:
Week 1-2: The Awakening
You start noticing how much time you've been wasting. It's uncomfortable. Good. Discomfort is growth.
Month 1: The Foundation
You establish new routines. Sleep improves. Energy increases. You start believing change is possible.
Month 3: The Momentum
Your new habits feel natural. You're making visible progress on your goals. Others start noticing the change in you.
Month 6: The Transformation
You look back at who you were 6 months ago and barely recognize that person. Your priorities have shifted. Your confidence has grown.
Year 1: The New Identity
You're not trying to change anymore. You've become someone different. Your goals aren't someday dreams — they're active projects.
Year 3: The Compound Effect
Three years of consistent effort have created results that seem "lucky" or "talented" to outsiders. You know it was just relentless daily action.
Year 5-10: The Life You Designed
You're living a life that most people only dream about. Not because you're special. Because you decided to stop accepting less than you deserved.
The Hard Truth About Change
Nobody is coming to save you.
Your boss won't give you purpose.
Your government won't fix your life.
Your circumstances won't magically improve.
You have to save yourself.
And here's the even harder truth:
Most people won't do it.
They'll read this entire article, feel inspired for 20 minutes, then go back to exactly what they were doing before.
They'll keep working, sleeping, repeating. Keep postponing their dreams. Keep accepting a life that feels empty.
Until one day they're 75, looking back with crushing regret, wondering where their life went.
Don't be most people.
Your Defining Moment
You're at a choice point right now.
Option 1: Close this article, feel briefly uncomfortable, then return to your comfortable numbness. Nothing changes. The years pass. The regrets compound.
Option 2: Let this discomfort become the catalyst that finally makes you move. Take one concrete action TODAY toward the life you actually want.
Which option are you choosing?
Because I promise you this: Ten years from now, you'll either look back at this moment with gratitude or regret.
Gratitude that you finally stopped waiting and started building.
Or regret that you let another decade slip away.
The choice is entirely yours.
Your First Action Steps
Don't try to change everything at once. Just start:
TODAY:
- Write down three goals that actually matter to you (one from each category: Creation, Experience, Transformation)
- Identify one hour today you can reclaim from wasted time
- Use that hour on something that moves you toward one of your goals
THIS WEEK:
- Complete the full time audit (track everything for 7 days)
- Share your goals with one person who will hold you accountable
- Optimize one area of your foundation (sleep, nutrition, or movement)
THIS MONTH:
- Make measurable progress on all three goals
- Establish consistent routines that support your transformation
- Eliminate one major time-waster from your life
Small actions. Massive compounding. That's how you reclaim your life.
A Personal Note
I wrote this because I lived the alternative.
I spent years going through the motions. Working hard but for what? Making money but toward what end? Existing but not living.
I was "successful" by conventional standards. But I felt empty. Unfulfilled. Like I was built for more but settling for less.
The moment I stopped accepting that numbness and started building toward something meaningful, everything changed.
Not overnight. Not through some magic transformation.
But through small, daily decisions to spend my limited time on Earth doing things that actually mattered to me.
Building. Creating. Growing. Living with purpose instead of just existing with comfort.
That option is available to you too.
But only if you decide it is.
Only if you stop accepting less than you deserve.
Only if you take the first step.
Your life is waiting. The question is: Are you ready to actually live it?
What's the one thing you're going to start today? Reply and tell me. Sometimes saying it out loud to someone makes it real. I read every message.
Ready to optimize the foundation that makes everything else possible? Subscribe to The Apex Insights for weekly strategies on building the biology, mindset, and life you actually want.